i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize