yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
