david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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