i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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