Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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