why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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