i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
