are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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