Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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