Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
