I wish I could teleport
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize