my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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