I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I want is dick and wine.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
