i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
