Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
