We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
