I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
