Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So many bounce houses so little time
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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