If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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