I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
