What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
