I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
