Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
