Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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