Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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