Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
