she kept yelling 'call me bella'
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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