thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sorry about my life...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
