he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
