I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
