I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
