Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
