she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
