Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
