How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
