Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
