god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
