youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The best revenge is premature balding
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
