Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
