I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
