So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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