i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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