OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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