Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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