He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
