Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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