when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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