Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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