I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
