This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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