This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize