I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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