My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
