Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
