Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
