i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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