New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
