My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
