just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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