After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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