Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
