I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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