The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm getting married
To pizza
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
