Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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