3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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